on time
After the release of romântico cósmico in the summer of 2024, I crashed hard.
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My 2023-2024 were a drug-fueled, dopamine, and adrenaline tidal wave, filled with new people, places, and experiences. Once all of that winded down, and the creation and release of the album were over, I was left with the question—what now?
One question I had was—do I have to burn all my savings to travel to a different country, come back, and write an album about it…every single time I want to write an album? While that would be nice, I can only burn through my savings so many times before I build it back up again, so this line of thinking clearly wasn’t sustainable.
So instead of running away to a foreign country where I don’t speak a lick of the language…I turned inward. I looked at the contents of my life. My actual life, not just traveling. I went to therapy. I uncovered things about myself. I took a long, and slow look at my life, as it was passing by second by second.
At this point in my life, I have been a musician for far longer than I haven’t. The moment I set my sight on music, I knew I had to make sacrifices. I wasn’t going to let grown-ups, my family friends, or even my parents scare me out of my dream. I held fast to it, like a promise to a lover.
I did this for around 15 years, before I finally felt satisfied with my work. I’m not trying to scare anyone away from music with this story. But this 15 years felt like sort of a wash..not a whole lot happened besides going to work, and going back to my apartment to practice music.
This is one of the reasons why the story of romântico cósmico is powerful for me. It was one of the first moments when I decided that I needed to create the stories in order to tell them. I needed to light the fire in order for there to be warmth. The formula is not—become famous, then write the stories. It’s really about the stories first, not to mention, I believe fame robs people of authentically lived stories.
The biggest indicator of how I spent my life, is looking at this elusive thing called time. Where did I spend my time? Who did I hang out with? What did I work on? Those things are all important. But the most powerful indicator within time is aging.
It was like, I was a teenager that decided he was hell-bent on being an innovator within music, put my head down to work on it, then looked up after 15 years and now my parents are old.
Signs of mortality feel best paired with austere reflection.
I realized all the time I spent working could have been spent making more stories, more memories, with the ones I love. These experiences, however seemingly ordinary and mundane, are sources of inspiration too.
I feel like this is something many people often don’t get to realize until it’s too late, if at all. I could have gone my whole life wanting to prove myself, wanting to show that I have value, wanting others attention…and turning my back on my family as a result.
I’m glad it’s not too late, but certainly a lot of time has passed.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have the privilege of presenting my greatest work to the world, whether it’s recognized in my lifetime or not.
But I look at my work, and though I believe I can help people, or show them a good time through music..the love that I get out of it pales in comparison to the love that I know from my true loved ones.
Music, music. So powerful. It’s the one medium that pierces the heart, IMHO. You can ignore a painting, but it’s very hard to ignore music. (Just ask my neighbors!)
I’m not here to devalue music. I’m just here to say that time is truly precious. The time you use to smoke weed and watch cartoons at home is ok. Sometimes we all need to decompress. But when you see a large chunk of time pass, you see buildings, cities, loved ones change—physically, emotionally, spiritually..you realize that life is composed of a series of one-time events.
When you hug your loved ones, make sure they know you mean it. This is the last time this moment will pass. Make it a meaningful one.